First glimpses at my little one

I can't believe it's happening. I'm 21 weeks pregnant with a baby girl! I'm engaged now, and I feel like I'm losing control of my life... But I can imagine it's all going to be worth it soon. We have decided on the name Naomi Rose and all those that we've told seem to approve. Already I feel such a love and attachment to her, it's unbelievable. She's my child. My firstborn. And nothing is going to take her away from me. Sure she seems to think my body is an amusement park and she beats me up on a daily (at least weekly) basis...but I love her. The last ultrasound I had on September 23rd was a day I'll never forget. As soon as our ultrasound technician turned the machine on and we saw her head, she started to frown and shake her head in protest (already stubborn like her father). We soon were able to see all of her features: her legs, arms, head (with whole skull visible), her surprisingly big ears (haha), and that empty area between her legs that showed us it wasn't going to be the little boy I had so hoped for. I could care less now. I can't wait to feel actual kicks and hiccups soon. Pregnancy is wonderful.

The Cramped Road to Life

A lonely lamb
Trying to walk the sacred path
Confused on which way she's going
Slips up and takes the 'broad and spacious'

Appealing enough, she thought
But because she was in plain sight
Got taken advantage of by the wolves, the snakes,
No one to defend her

She wanders the road aimlessly
The appealing road leading to nothing
Infatuated with the scenery,
While the flowers slowly whither around her

What once looked bright now looks so grim
The broad road seems to get wider
More wolves lurking behind the shadows
No place to serve as her sanctuary

Suddenly there's a fork in the road
The narrow road she's heard talked about
She veers to the right
Finally her journey has a purpose

The narrow road may not look so pretty
It may have hills, may have rocks,
But look at her destination
A beautiful paradise

No wolves lurking in the shadows
Plenty of shady trees for shelter
Plenty of great food to eat
And even a guide to show her the way

She labors on
Focused, walking with purpose
No longer feeling so hopeless
The paradise is within her reach

"A man's own good breeding is the best security against other people's ill manners." -Lord Chesterfield

Slacking

Laying in the bed once again, trying to figure out why I can't muster up and kind of motivation to do anything. A full-time student with two jobs, you'd think there was something I could find to do. Ridiculous. Instead I'm watching "That 70's Show" mindlessly (an episode I've already seen) and eating tortilla chips :/ *sigh*

Regret (haiku)

Dark thoughts fill my mind
Regret consumes me like night
Past is my shadow

price for repentance (haiku)

Confessing my sins
Wanting your support, your love
Distance grows wider

Making changes

I've decided to do some re-evaluating. Things were getting a lil crazy for me so I thought some changes were in order. I've deleted my Twitter account, changed my cell phone number, and deleted a ton of "friends" on Facebook. It may seem a lil rash, but overall I think this is for the best. Although it will be harder now to get used to not having someone to talk to every minute of my life, in the long run I'll be happier spiritually and physically. I was talking to and being around people I didn't need to be. And the only way to stop associations like that is to cut them off. *sigh* So the feeling is bittersweet. But the people that truly love me have demonstrated that through their kind words and actions during the past few weeks. To those friends I say thank you and I love you. To the ones I've turned my back on, I say I'm sorry and maybe we'll see each other again in the future.